Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i've created a new STD.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
