there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
