yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
