Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
