If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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