I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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