it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
