giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
