Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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