I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
