and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
