3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
