I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
