You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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