can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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