if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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