there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
