Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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