i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it penis luge time yet?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
