wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
