Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
