If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
