There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize