So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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