***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Acid is not a monday night drug
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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