even my farts smell like vagina
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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