The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
