So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
