I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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