I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
did i just pee glitter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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