Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
