So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
