you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
