Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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