You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
