what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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