we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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