Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
