I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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