he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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