Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
