I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
