i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
