he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
