i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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