i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
