Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
