I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
