genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
