He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
