between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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