What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
